Month 9: Tired and Uninspired

Three years ago this month I arrived to Ethiopia for the start of 3 months volunteering there. My time there undoubtably changed my life, and set me on the trajectory that now has me back in Africa for the next three months. (You can read all about my first time living in Africa by locating all my blogs from 2019, if you’re interested.) 

Now, I find myself back on the continent, but this time living in the southern countries. Currently, the squad is living in the kingdom of Eswatini (formerly Swaziland) for an all-squad month (kind of). Next month, we’ll be in Lesotho and in November we’ll transition to South Africa before heading back to the States. 

To bring you up to speed of the past few weeks, on September 1st, we got picked up from a location near Cusco, Peru that we’d spent a week in fellowship and worship together. After a 24-hour bus ride to Lima, Peru, a 10 hour layover, a 6 hour flight to Cancun, Mexico, another 10 hour layover, a 10 hour flight to Zurich, Switzerland, an 8 hour layover, another 10 hour flight to Johannesburg, South Africa, and then a 4 hour bus ride, we finally arrived on September 5th to Manzini, Eswatini. 

We’re staying in a house too small for the squad (see my previous blog for my team’s opinions on that haha) and split in half for ministry at two different “care points” in the country. A care point is a church-affiliated location where kids can come daily for a free meal and then also receive regular Bible teaching and discipleship. The two care points we’re working with serve an average of 80-100 kids a day. 

Lately I’ve found more of my mind occupied with what’s to come after the Race. It’s incredibly normal conversation to ask or be asked about future plans, and I could probably recite to you everyone on the squad’s current ideas for post-Race life (like I said, INCREDIBLY normal). 

I am at the point where I feel ready to go home, while also unprepared for it. Realistically, it is perfectly okay that I am not prepared to go home yet (because I am not going home yet). The feeling ready for what is not happening yet is the harder part. 

Truthfully, life has felt difficult recently which makes thinking about home all the more enticing. There are many days I look around and wonder what my/our purpose is in being involved where we are. There have been many decisions lately that I’ve disagreed with. There are many conversations that seem futile at best. There is certainly a wearing down of your sense of autonomy and independence that occurs when you’re instructed what to do with the majority of your day, every single day. 

So overall, I find myself coming ever so quickly into the middle parts of month 9 tired and uninspired. 

I have delayed writing and posting this blog, for the very fact that I have felt like I have nothing to say. I have felt like I have no life lesson to impart, no life-changing moment to testify, and no incredibly motivational parting words. The Race has gotten to the point where it’s mostly just doing life in close proximity with 15 other people and every few weeks being given a new living situation, ministry, and country to figure out. It is not all wild adventures and spiritual revival everywhere we go. 

So while this is not the most exciting update and I still have no motivational parting words, this is reality right now. But like all things, good or bad, I know that this is only but a season and even it will eventually pass.

Please pray: 

• for excitement and energy about life and ministry lately. 
• for creativity, joy, and humility in the ways we serve the kids we interact with each day. 
• for God’s provision over jobs, housing, and all of the big and small details associated with transitioning back to the States.